Hi lovely people! Late summer has approached and we are busy moving back to Taiwan. Most of you know that I am pregnant, and this blog post and the next few ones will be dedicated to my pregnancy journey. I’ve arranged my pregnancy journal weekly in order to share this beautiful moment with you. If you are looking to conceive or have been pregnant before, these moments that captured feelings, growth, change, our struggle to decide where to give birth due to interracial marriage and these stories may be helpful to read through. After all, it is such a divine time! I am loving every single moment of it!

A few things that occurred and made us suspicious that I might be pregnant:

1. A deep longing for a sense of stability and security; a sense of readiness
2. Easily nauseous being in the car
3. A black out moment when teaching private sessions with clients; I completely blanked
4. My normal 20 minutes nap turn into 2 ½ hours nap
5. My belly shape was a bit different
6. Frequent urination: even though I didn’t drink that much
7. A different sensation prior to my menstrual cycle
8. Very tender breast that lasted longer than PMS

Though Marc always joked that I was possibly pregnant – it was the moment where I ate my favorite spring vegetable asparagus and felt immediately I was going to be sick, I thought, “could I really be pregnant?”

We bought a 20 Euro ClearBlue test, I felt reluctant to use the test, “if my period is going to come, it will eventually.” Since hubby insisted, the next morning we both waited in pajamas in the living room, anxiously. I was too nervous to look, what if I had my hopes too high? He read the test, and we were tested POSITIVE!

It was a very magical moment, filled with laugher, surprised, happiness and lots of love. I felt a sense of calm and reassurance. That lunch we sat by the beautiful lake on a beautiful sunny day, celebrating this big moment of our lives.

All the myths of why I was exhausted practicing yoga for 90 minutes started to unravel, no wonder I felt so heavy and tired! Things start to make sense, weird enough – I didn’t feel much nausea but as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I began to feel sensitive to smell of the house, the food, the kitchen. I felt breathless going up the stairs, teaching and demonstrating in class. And my poop and fart smells horrifying due to the change in my body. Oh goodness!

My first trimester’s deal: constant nausea. No vomiting or morning sickness.

I am pretty sure when we found out on 21^st of June, we were about 4 ½ weeks after conception.

Week 5: Craved for Asian food for the first time in forever. My food cravings change from one minute to the next. A minute ago I craved for dumplings, and now I want pizza. Went to bed at 9am and woke up at 7am, still felt tired. Can’t look at raw veggies and eggs just gross me out. I used to love eggs, what happened? Craved for a burger, Martina took me to Burger Kings. Oh that was a great meal in such awhile. Nausea persists. Ginger tea helps with nausea. I’ve cuddling in bed watching TV shows and horror movies drinking ginger tea, not sure if it’s the best combination. Been having extremely itchy nipples… gosh help!

Lately I’ve been having crazy sexual dreams, from threesome, lesbian, to sudden explosions. I saw a little boy in the dream. I am pretty sure this is a boy. Did some research, old wife tale says if you dream a lot of sexual dreams, it has to be a boy. But not putting on too much hope now, I am happy either way as long as the baby is healthy.

Week 6: Can’t eat a full meal, water taste bad, everything taste horrible. I have no desire to cook or touch raw meat. Doing yoga help the nausea a bit but I can’t get myself to practice consistently. It’s taking up lots of my energy just feeling ill and nauseous all the time. I had to drink ginger ale or coke to swallow any liquids. Soup helps. But before I eat is a kind of nausea, after I eat is a another kind of nausea. I feel half sick, half alive. Should I fight it or go with it? The good thing is, I sleep like a baby at night.

I told close friends about this exciting news, Marc told me to not to as it is important to tell only after the baby is stable. But it’s so hard to keep a secret!

I’ve been having very shitty but vivid dreams, lots of depression, deformities, and unbalanced dreams.

Week 7 (baby is z size of blueberry): I feel like if I hadn’t know that I was pregnant, maybe these pregnancy symptoms would not be as bad, could it be just all in my head? No way, imagine all that hormones going through liver. It is overwhelming. Been sleeping a lot, napping a lot, other than that can’t do much, really. Oh do I feel useful! I bought a bracelet for myself in memoirs of the joy to be a mother soon! A friend asked me if I was pregnant, Marc said I shouldn’t tell, but I also didn’t want to lie. So I did tell eventually. Hey! I am the pregnant one!

Nausea is still there.

Had my first doctor check up here in Switzerland, it was… intense, uncomfortable – blood test, peps-mere, insertion of an ultrasound. Ok, I did not know I had to go through all of that, and let me tell you, it was extremely uncomfortable and somewhat… unnatural. But as soon as we saw the baby’s heart beat, my heart melted. I also wanted to cry (oh why did I hold back?) We got a printed photo on our hands. The baby looks so chilled.

Nausea came back, watched Wimbledom men semi finals while doing yoga. Simple meals lately, can’t cook, can’t eat too much. It’s kind of taking the joy of being alive away. Can’t wait for Asia to eat some delicious food.

Apart from all that, I realize I have been having a persistent sadness. Is this pregnancy depression? I don’t feel super great, and nothing seems to be that enjoyable. Didn’t they say you’re supposed to feel glorious during pregnancy? I can’t get myself to do anything motivating. I told close family I have ceased all motivation regarding my yoga related work, absolutely don’t feel like practicing, writing or thinking about it. They comforted me, I am not useless, I am busy making an eyeball in there!

Now we are going to decide if we will deliver the baby here in Switzerland or in Taiwan. I think the trip to Taiwan will help answer this question. I am leaning towards Switzerland since I am a bit skeptical about Taiwanese hospitals, but I know in Taiwan I will have more help.

Week 8 (baby’s a size of large raspberry): Sister visiting Switzerland. We went onto the Swiss mountain slide, oh man – my mother nature really came out being all protective, I couldn’t afford to be fast and was going quite slow. Passion kept yelling behind “faster, faster” it stressed me out a bit. To be honest I didn’t enjoy the ride as much as I wished. I felt bad for people behind us.

Craved for bagels, ordered 12 of them by a local lady who makes them. Apparently bagels aren’t very common here in Switzerland. Can’t wait for some chewiness. Baby is supposedly a size of a green olive now, when I am hungry I really feel the nausea. After eating I am ok. I feel cramps at the base of my pelvic floor, like something is growing. Probably the baby is growing or getting space.

Deep sense of calm emerges, I am loving it.

Sexual dreams persist, not as much as very early weeks, but I notice my dreams are very vivid and emotional – if I can remember them.

Week 9 (baby’s a size of a green olive): Marc and I will be apart for a week, but hopefully he can make it to Taiwan so it’s two weeks. Slightly anxious, have lots to do before Asia, cleaning, wrapping things up etc. I baked something and had interest in staying in the kitchen for more than 20 minutes. Thank goodness, this nausea is slowly going away!

Back in Asia. Woke up at 3AM because of a stupid mosquito, don’t see it and I can’t sleep anymore. Craving for some Taiwanese breakfast. The earliest one opens at 5:30AM. I got up and drove 20 minutes to a good place. Yumm, that really hit the spot. I meet friends, and the restaurants here have flexible hour, so if I get hungry in the late afternoon, I can always grab a bite. Food paradise! Jetlag is a bitch, I fell asleep and slept from 10PM to 8AM. Wow! That feels good.

Peeing about 4 – 5 times per night. Gosh, how brutal nature is training me to be a mother!

I go to the factory 3 times a week, there I take a nap for about one hour – pregnancy naps are deep asleep for 30 – 40 minutes. Whoa!

I am doing some yoga, but honestly with the hormones prepping my ligaments, joints and muscles to be more juicy, there’s not whole lot of difference after doing yoga from a physical perspective, or I don’t feel the effect as much as before because my body is more open. Trying to practice more strengthening than stretching, be careful not to tear any ligaments!

Week 10 (baby’s size of a prune): Decided to do the NIPS test, doctor in Switzerland told me it cost 1000 CHF to do this blood test and can test many diseases and twenty something chromosomal – she suggested Taiwan might be cheaper. Well guess what? It cost 1200 euros to do this test in Taiwan. I decided to do it anyway, this test can be done from week 10 and on forth. It was a simple blood test. The clinic in Taiwan seems pretty legit, there were lots and lots of pregnant woman, I felt a little bit overwhelm with all that hormones!

Getting lots of mosquito bites here in Taiwan, good thing there isn’t Zika here. My leg looks like it’s just got eaten alive!

Week 11 (baby’s size of a lime): Marc comes to Taiwan over the weekend, he said my belly got bigger just within 2 weeks! We still haven’t announced to his family at all, waiting for the exact 12 weeks. Only his sister knows. He complains I tell everyone. It’s just so hard for me to hold it! Plus I am the pregnant one  heh

We did the ultrasound together, saw his whole structure, and he was always doing a headstand! Oh notice I am saying he, actually, we don’t know if it’s a boy or girl but I have a feeling it’s a boy! At the end the doctor used 4D ultrasound, it requires a stronger wave I think. The baby kept having his hand over his face, I am pretty sure he didn’t like it. I feel a bit sad for the baby.

We still haven’t officially announced it yet, since we just had our wedding anniversary. I am waiting a bit more.

Week 12 (baby’s a size of a small plum): Starting to feel skin can itch randomly and it’s quite uncomfortable. Marc left, we will see each other again in two weeks back in Switzerland. Mom and I flew to HK. It’s a all girl trip with lots of good cuisine. Everyday I am eating and spoiling myself. It’s a great treat. Thanks mom!

I enjoy being home so much. I feel so happy around my dogs, though my parents do drive me crazy, but after all they are family right?

We made the announcement to Marc’s parents on Skype then I announced it officially via Facebook, so many blessings! Feeling so excited!

Called the clinic for my NIPS test, for some reason it’s supposed to show the gender of my boy but it’s nowhere on the result. They have confirmed that it’s indeed illegal to announce the baby’s gender by a blood test in Taiwan. I argued with them, this test cost a fortune! Had I have known, I would have done the test in Switzerland. Anyway, I accepted the reality. Apparently lots of people have gender preference in the Chinese culture, so the doctor can only tell the gender after 16 weeks by ultrasound, which by then the baby is a lot more stable.

Week 13 (baby’s a size of a peach): Starting to pack for Switzerland, honestly I don’t look forward going back. Feeling a bit sad, didn’t go to work. I need some time. Hung out with mom all day. I feel like there’s much more purpose for me being home. I help out at the factory, I take the dogs every day for work. I am with my family and friends. I feel rooted here. It’s my home.

Back home here in Switzerland, everything is pretty much the same. I enjoy getting back in the kitchen to cook. I can actually cook and not feel nauseous! Yay! I do feel a bit homesick… We’re still unsure as of where to give birth. I am torn, now leaning towards Taiwan. Marc has been voting for Taiwan since day 1.

Week 14 (baby’s a size of my fist): We leave for London, sister invited us there for a weekend. We’re stoked! Stepping into second trimester now, I do feel that energy is slowly coming back, occasionally nap for two hours but frequency is decreasing. Sometimes I don’t even nap. It’s amazing! I am back into my 1-hour yoga practice now.

The transition is pretty obvious, I can feel the position of the baby lower and it’s pretty on my bladder. For a few days every time I stand up straight I have pulling sensation (ligament tearing?) in my lower abdomen. On the flight back I had peeing problems which freaked me out a bit (meaning, I tried to pee but it wouldn’t come out! Thank god that went away. Now when I pee I just have soreness in my bladder). In London I barely took naps, we were out and about for most of the day.

My chest went up two cups already in Taiwan, I was actually very happy when I brought prenatal bras. They are so much more comfortable and stretchy and still offers support. Now the breast are so hot, after I took off the bikini off it had bruise mark around it!

My sexual hormones seemed to be back, too. Thank god, I am still normal.

Some days I don’t sleep very well due to frequent urination, the sleeping position (sleeping on the side is definitely more comfortable now) and intense dreams.

In London we got to do so much, spent time with sister and tasted diverse cuisines.

Week 15 (baby’s a size of a navel orange): People are saying I am glowing, I can’t really tell except I am getting slightly bigger. Some people ask if I am having twins, I guess I am just small so it already look big. Heh.

Before I wasn’t pregnant, I seldom notice pregnant woman, now that I am pregnant, I see them everywhere! I am also a lot more sensitive with kids. This mother nature…!

I didn’t get full congratulations from some of the people, not sure how I felt about it. Maybe some people just see as a normal transition, but for me, being pregnant is a huge deal.

Zika outbreak in Singapore, it won’t be long until it hits Taiwan. This changes the scope of our entire plan. We wanted to move back to Taiwan and give birth there, now we are not so sure. Gave it a few days, still decided it was the right thing to do. We will think of an alternative if Zika does come to Taiwan.

Back from the trip, now it’s full on preparation to move back. I feel stressed out. There are so many things to do, Marc applying residence visa in Taiwan, selling furnitures, getting rid of things in the apartment, shipping things back, throwing things away and moving out of Switzerland. Will we be able to finish all these in a month time?

I’ve been rather moody lately, I didn’t think I had the pregnancy mood swings, but it’s there underneath this sense of calmness. I get irritated easily and this hot weather without AC is killing me!

Week 16: Nails and hair are growing at a rapid speed, crazy! I am loving this pregnancy… the belly continues to grow, there’s really a big bump now! I am ironing, cleaning, listening to music, throwing things away and doing a lot of cooking. Cooking makes me so happy. I love to make good food and try new recipes for those I love.

Didn’t take a photo this week, time went by so fast and the apartment is messy. I feel like how clean the apartment is symbolize the state of our life. Right now, it is chaotic!

Slow progression of our big move to Taiwan… I hope everything falls into places.

 

To be continued…..

With lots of love,

Paye Tina