WHY AVOIDING ANGER AND PAIN IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO
The average life coach preaches positivity and more „rah, Rah, RAH“ exciting, positive emotions. I respect these type of coaches, but I think there’s a time and a place for learning how to manifest a positive mindset. Pain, anger, and negative emotions are natural human emotions and they should be treated the same way we treat positive emotions: with open arms.
Painful emotions need to be experienced because they are part of the human experience. Just like positive emotions, painful emotions don’t last forever. Emotions have a life cycle of their own, whether they are positive or negative emotions. We experience cycles in all areas of our lives: we gain employment and we leave our jobs, the sun rises and the sun falls, the summer ends and we enter fall, a child is born and we say goodbye to a loved one at their funeral. We can’t avoid our negative emotions because we need to experience them in their fullest capacity before we can welcome positive emotions back into our universe.
What happened when a friend tried to cheer you up when you felt crappy? They either made you feel better or you felt worse. In the case when you felt worse, it’s because your friend didn’t acknowledge the fact that it’s perfectly normal and ok to feel angry, bitter, sad, jealous, or like a wilted flower. You needed the space to process your circumstance and come full circle with your experience. We can’t arrive at the bright end of the tunnel until we’ve been through the dark part.
So how should you deal with negative emotions that you don’t want to feel? There’s not one answer to this question nor is there a right answer, but I can tell you that avoidance will keep you in the dark part of the tunnel longer than you want to be there.
In my experience, I’ve learned that acceptance and nonviolence are a kind and light-hearted way to accept painful emotional. Acknowledging how you feel is critical to seeing the bright side of life again, even when you feel angry or broken deep down inside.
In order to accept negative emotions, I teach a form of communication call Non Violent Communication (NVC for short). NVC allows us to process our emotions in a way that truthful and authentic without hurting anyone else’s feelings. It promotes peace and loving kindness to everyone with who we share our hearts and emotions with.
To use NVC, you can follow this acronym: OFNR.
O stands for observation.
F stands for feeling.
N stands for need.
R stands for request.
Here are a few examples of how to use NVC:
(O) My girlfriend broke up with me. (F) I feel sad. (N) I need consistency in relationships. (R) Can you please give me a hug while I cry on your shoulder?
(O) My cat passed away. (F) I feel lonely. (N) I need company. (R) Can you please go for a walk with me?
By using NVC, we have the golden opportunity to present our feelings in a way that’s healthy and truthful. We don’t have to lie to anyone that we’re happy when we’re actually feeling like a pile of dirt. We can be real, honest, and forthcoming.
You will thank yourself once you stop avoiding painful emotions and start to live through your painful emotions with honesty and integrity. It’s only through seeing reality for what it is that we can make skillful choices to move past our painful emotions and live closer toward the bright end of the tunnel once again.
Max DuBowy is the founder of Your Success Launch where he teaches ambitious young adults how to conquer anxiety and live with less stress. PayeTina readers can get a FREE guided meditation from Max by visiting www.YourSuccessLaunch.com.